Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
