I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
