It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
