Swine flu. Run for my life!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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