never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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