Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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