Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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