Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
