OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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