3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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