what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
