I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
