This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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