i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
