Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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