I wish I could punch you in the face.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
