i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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