did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
