Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
