Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
