My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
