I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
