so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
