Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
