I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
