I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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