Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
