Cold hands, warm shart.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
