You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
