He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
