he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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