worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
