"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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