well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
