dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
