@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
