that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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