Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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