she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
