My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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