I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
