vagina is talking i cant
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
