he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
