somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
