proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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