how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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