I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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