I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
