Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
