If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
