The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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